Free ENM Test | Discover Your Non-Monogamous Relationship Style

Your ENM Self-Discovery Test

Explore how you show up in

Ethical Non-Monogamy.

This test helps you gain deeper insight into your personal relationship style, boundaries, emotional patterns, and areas of growth within ENM.
You'll receive a spectrum-based breakdown across 10 key traits—plus a soft

recommendation for which ENM dynamics might align best with you right now.

First Name *

Last Name *

Email *

What most describes your current relationship status?

Single

In a monogamous relationship and curious

Monogamish

Newly opened up

Practicing ENM/polyamory

Solo polyamorous

Just exploring and unsure

Before You Begin...

This test is a self-reflection tool, not a test to “pass” or “fail.” There are no right or wrong answers—just what’s true for you in this moment.

🗣️ Answer as honestly as possible—not how you think you should be, or how you wish you were, but how you actually feel and behave right now. The more real you are, the more accurate and helpful your results will be.

💡 Use the 1–5 scale to rate each statement:

1 = Strongly Disagree

3 = Neutral / Not Sure

5 = Strongly Agree

If a statement doesn’t totally fit, go with what feels closest to your lived experience.

NOTE: There are 70 statements. This test will take about 10-15 minutes.

I thrive in relationships where I have freedom to make independent choices. *

I feel genuinely happy when my partner is experiencing joy with someone else. *

I recognize jealousy as a natural feeling, not something to be ashamed of. *

I can talk openly with my partners about desires, limits, and agreements. *

I feel secure in my relationships, even when my partner is with someone else. *

I know what my limits are, and I can express them clearly. *

I can stay emotionally present during conflict. *

I plan time for each of my relationships in ways that feel balanced. *

I’m open to relationships evolving in structure over time. *

I know how to soothe myself during emotionally intense moments. *

I prefer keeping my living space and schedule separate from my partner(s). *

I enjoy hearing about my partner’s positive experiences with others. *

I can identify what’s beneath my jealousy (e.g., fear, insecurity, desire). *

I listen deeply and with care when my partners share their truth. *

I don’t need constant reassurance to trust my connection is strong. *

I don’t feel guilty for saying “no” or changing my mind. *

I take responsibility for my part in misunderstandings. *

I make time for rest and self-care without guilt. *

I don’t believe there’s one “right” way to love or connect. *

I can process emotions without making others responsible for them. *

I need regular alone time to feel grounded, even in deep relationships. *

I get excited by the idea of my partner being loved by more than one person. *

I know how to express jealousy without blaming others. *

I feel safe discussing hard topics like boundaries, STIs, or jealousy. *

I believe love isn't lessened by being shared. *

I can hold my boundaries even when someone is upset about them. *

I know how to pause, breathe, and come back to a hard conversation. *

I don’t overcommit to things that drain me emotionally. *

I can imagine being fulfilled in different types of ENM configurations. *

I take time to reflect before responding when upset. *

I can be emotionally connected without needing constant contact. *

I don’t feel threatened by my partner’s affection for others. *

I have healthy ways of working through jealousy when it arises. *

I check in regularly to make sure everyone is still aligned. *

I can sit with uncertainty without spiraling into fear or doubt. *

I respect others’ boundaries, even if they differ from mine. *

I try to repair after a rupture, not avoid it. *

I communicate clearly when my availability changes. *

I don’t need labels to feel valid in my connections. *

I don’t let emotional overwhelm control my decisions. *

I don’t rely on one partner to meet all my needs. *

I celebrate my partner’s growth, even when it happens in another relationship. *

I can be present with my emotions without acting on them impulsively. *

I don’t make assumptions—I prefer to clarify directly. *

I trust my partner’s choices, even if I wouldn’t make the same ones. *

I understand that boundaries are an act of love, not rejection. *

I don’t escalate tension—I aim to understand before reacting. *

I can manage multiple emotional or logistical connections without burnout. *

I’m curious about new relationship structures—even ones I haven’t tried yet. *

I can express vulnerability without spiraling into shame or fear. *

I prefer relationships that allow for flexibility and self-direction. *

I sometimes feel deeper love after seeing my partner connect with someone else. *

I welcome jealousy as an invitation to grow in self-awareness. *

I honor verbal and non-verbal consent cues with all my partners. *

I don’t equate time spent with love received. *

I communicate boundaries before I'm overwhelmed—not after. *

I invite feedback and welcome disagreement as part of growth. *

I make sure everyone I care about feels prioritized in a sustainable way. *

I feel excited, not anxious, about relationship transitions. *

I use tools (like journaling, breathing, body scans) to ground myself. *

I feel energized by pursuing personal goals outside my romantic connections. *

Seeing my partner with someone new often brings up warmth or curiosity. *

I’ve found ways to soothe myself when I feel left out or insecure. *

I can advocate for my needs without guilt or shame. *

I don’t panic when someone I care about takes space or time alone. *

I check in with myself regularly about what feels right or wrong for me. *

I express frustration with care, not cruelty. *

I can say “not right now” without fearing rejection. *

I value flexibility over rigid definitions of partnership. *

I’m aware of my emotional patterns and work to grow from them. *